The 5 Creepiest People at Your Gym Right Now…

Ok guys, some of you are starting to even creep me out. I go to the gym to stay in shape and to free my mind but today, I was distracted by what I witnessed. There were a few types of dudes that are never there at the same time. Usually these guys are spread out and I never get a full dose of creepiness, weirdness and the qualities that I think some serial killers have.

1: The Watcher
This dude sits on the bench and stares at women that walk by or women in certain positions with their bodies because of stretching.

Look, I get it. The yoga pants are hot. They go right up her butt and that camel toe is distracting but you have to look away. You can not – not care that she catches you. It ruins it for the rest of us who know how to quickly look and store it for later. Are you trying to ruin it for all of us? Do you want her showing up in baggy sweats next time?


2: Mr. Snuggles
This guy! Every machine is open to use. All 40 of them.

You know how this goes…You’re the only person using one and in an unexplainable and bizarre turn of events, he uses the one right next to you. WTF?

I can’t even begin to understand what you don’t get about space? What’s lacking in your brain? Did you not notice the rows of not used treadmills that are spread out far beyond what the eye can see?
At least give us 1 machine space. Seriously? The one right next to me? I have to hear you breath heavy? I have to feel your body heat next to mine? I don’t want to be able to count the beads of sweat rolling off your dumb face if I don’t have to. Come on dude!


3: The Talker
Ugh. Sadly, you’re on a first name basis with this guy. He’s the guy you know is going to screw your workout up if he gets a hold of you because he’d rather ask you about life and tell you about his, than pick up a weight and work off the cheese sticks and Budweiser collecting under his chin.

Hey man, yes… YOU! Do what 99% of us do. Small talk! Crappy, pointless and insincere small talk. Nobody cares about you when they’re at the gym. If you see me, don’t stalk me down to tell me everything. I’m tuning you out and screaming on the inside because you won’t let me go.


4: The Bench Wetter
Unlike the Talker, he’s super serious about his work outs. He’s so serious in fact, he works up the biggest sweat in the gym and leaves a puddle of his DNA behind for the rest of us to clean.

Wipe up that gallon of disgusting body fluid you call sweat!

5: Johnny Button Up
He’s the scariest. Everyone is in workout clothes except him. He showed up in jeans, boots and a button up shirt and decided to freak us all out. Does he not own workout clothes? Is he on lunch break? Did he just get off work and forget his sweats? He’s a mystery and it’s a mystery I don’t want to explore.