Before I went to see Carrie Underwood in concert, I was in my bathroom getting ready. I knew I was going to meet the country music superstar, so I wanted to look as nice as possible… looking like a troll next to that beautiful diva was not an option.

Ladies you know this: you can do your makeup the exact same way you always do, and you look in the mirror and say to yourself “Why do I look weird? What’s wrong with my face?” I was having one of those moments and I couldn’t tell what was missing or why my face looked off.

My daughter, also known as the Princess of Fox, walked in to see my progress and say goodbye to me. She said “you look nice,” in a very meh way. I told her I felt like my face looked off and I couldn’t understand why. She took a long hard look at me, and said “I feel like you need lipstick.” So I dug some out of my makeup drawer and applied it. I said “well? that seems better right?”

She took a long hard look at me in the mirror, then looked me in the face directly and said “yeah, that’s better… you can go now.” It was almost like she was just ready for me to get out, like she was throwing a rager of a party  as soon as I left and she didn’t really think I looked better but she wanted me to gtfo. She’s 9, so I know a party wasn’t imminent, but still.

After she said that, I thought long and hard about who raised this butthead and how I could sell her on the black market…


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