I Do Not Welcome Our New Rattle Snake Overlords

Over the past month or two, it seems like rattle snakes have been all over the news, from New York to Arizona. What is going on this year? Last year it was all about the sharks, and this year I’m pretty sure all the rattle snakes have decided to team up and take over the world.

Earlier this year, a poor little boy found a rattle snake in his toilet! I check my toilet before I go to the bathroom every time!

You may remember the SC man who got bit twice while kayaking. Originally, the story was that the rattle snake fell from a tree into his kayak, but it turned out that he picked up the snake so it bit him. That was a terrible idea… you can’t piss off our rattle snake overlords. Just leave them alone.

Then there was the guy in Texas who killed a rattle snake with a shovel (good man), but when he picked up the head to throw it away, the SEVERED rattle snake head bit him. See, these things do not play! They are the devil.

Then, we had the guy who opened up his truck hood because it wouldn’t start, and found a rattle snake coiled up on the engine block. Talk about being shocked. Sorry, that was a terrible joke. But seriously, can you imagine opening up your car hood and seeing that? I have nightmares from this.

I recently had a friend who lives RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER from MY HOUSE find a rattle snake INSIDE in the middle of the night… WHY??

There’s a rattle snake in that bag…

The latest in this saga is from Arizona. An unsuspecting family found a family of rattle snakes in their pool noodles. I’m never using a pool noodle again.

I for one am tired of these rattle snakes scaring people and using toilets as their own personal playgrounds. I’m ready to move to Scotland where there are no snakes, period. Who’s with me??



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